I have always wanted my birthday to be meaningful. I wanted people to go out of their way to make me feel special. My love language used to live in effort—what can people do for me to prove that I am really worth their time….

Trapped in my programming, my habituated way of thinking, I, unintentionally, put pressure on my wife to show her love for me through exceptional effort on my exceptional day. That was not fair to her, nor was it setting us up for success.

But then I realized I was giving my power away. My mood was dependent on whether I believed that she put in ‘enough’ effort for me to feel celebrated. I also realized that the pressure that she felt was on her; we are all responsible for our own feelings after the initial reaction.

Recognizing this really helped me with returning to what I call the goal beneath the goal. And, in this case, if the goal, on my birthday, is to feel celebrated then that is what I can do! I do not have to be distracted by my programming telling me that my family members aren’t doing enough to make me feel special. Instead, I can watch that thought come into my head and replace it with one that reminds me that this day is about feeling celebrated and if I don’t feel that way then I am distracting myself from the actual goal.

If they bought me a chocolate cake and I wanted an ice cream cake, it is up to me whether that chocolate cake is going to ruin or add joy to my birthday….

So what do you want these upcoming holidays to mean for you?

How can you practice choosing to invest in the thought that helps bring you back to that meaning?

Many of us get distracted from what we want these holidays to truly mean. But we don’t have to….

This year, pick your thoughts wisely, have them bring you closer to your holiday goals rather than draw you away.

I wish you all an abundance of love and connection until my return in January. May this holiday season deliver on all your hopes and dreams.

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