“The only thing certain in life is uncertainty.” —Derek Hough
My wife, Tara, has been feeling uncertain recently. She loves her career—she has been a registered massage therapist working with perinatal women for 23 years—and has been thinking of retiring because her hands aren’t quite as young as they used to be. He thoughts have been stuck: Who will serve these women when I don’t? They will suffer without my care. Their bodies won’t find relief without me. Her mind is taking that uncertainty and trying to create something that feels more certain so that she can feel some sense of control.
But control is an illusion….
I sat down with a psychologist at a dinner we were sharing at a friend’s home, and we had a beautiful and deep conversation about life goals and goals we have for our children. As our conversation progressed, I explained how involved I am as a father—I prioritize my children. I dote on them, I cook and clean and chauffeur them. I prepare lunches, I read to them, I sit wth them at bed time and philosophize. I play games with them, I explore different approaches to problems, I support them with their homework… I could go on but will spare you further details. At the end of my explanation to the psychologist, I asked, “What’s the worst case scenario of all this devotion?” Well, she cautioned me, “You sure you want to know?”
“No. But tell me anyway,” I responded.
“They’ll never find anybody who will take good enough care of them and will die alone…” she replied.
Ouch!
Even when we set the best intentions, the outcomes are still out of our control.
So what do we do?
Well, since the future is fiction anyway, maybe instead of my wife allowing her mind to catastrophize, she can choose a more inspiring fantasy. “With proper treatment my hands will feel great.” “My retirement will pave the way for other RMTs to hone their skills.” “I can learn to support pregnant women in a whole new way.” Necessity is the parent of invention, this is a great time to create a new, helpful career.
If I choose those thoughts over the previous ones, my everyday is a little bit sweeter.
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” —Viktor Frankl
What thoughts can you choose today that will help you feel GREAT about your future?
I’m here to help you create your best life. Together we’ll cut through your excuses, break through the blocks holding you back, build dynamic confidence and create action plans to achieve your career goals, improve your relationships, and increase your happiness.
